It’s night time. I should be asleep; work beckons come sunrise… I’ve been at home the last few days unwell (not the C-virus, thanks for asking). I feel physically better but mentally all messed up. I have so many questions without answers. That’s hard to live with. Most of them the BIG questions beyond our day to day lives that the majority of the Earth’s population (human and animal alike) have the blissful ability to ignore…
Right now I can’t ignore them. They’re beating against my skull like a tribal drum. Constant and never ceasing. The big questions; the why’s, the hows, the what ifs?! How the hell do any of us sleep at night? How do we ever manage to forget the destruction and decimation of life on this planet that we bring about and accelerate EVERY SINGLE DAY!
Some of you may say that this is just because I’ve been left on my own too long… I disagree. I have been given the chance to think about anything… and I can’t face the idea that we all just go about our mundane, routine-orientated lives week by week, year by year until we’re dead! So much to think about, how our governments are screwing with us, they cut funds to those in need; make choices that are sure to put future generations under even more strain than we, ourselves find today. How we’re killing each other in lands far away for what?! Religious differences?! Border skirmishes? Are we content to know that people all over the world are dying because it’s far away from us?? Thinking that if they die, then the planet may last a little longer? The spread of the human race is like a plague. We infect our Mother-Earth everywhere we spread and we cannot keep consuming our planet like this… so right here and now in our 1st world lives we fight to save every man, woman and child, to give them a chance to live… but should we?? As a race, SHOULD WE?!?! How do/should you think? As an individual? As a community? As a nation? As a species?
When I am old (praying to all the Gods that I am blessed to live to be old), I can see the kids of today standing where we stand now, blaming our parents and grandparents for the problems we now face… the climate emergency in all its forms, the political shit-storm that we live as a reality. I want to be able to stand and face them and say I tried. I tried my best for this Planet. That I didn’t bury my head in the sand and watch from the side lines as our choices were made without me having my say.
I’ve come to the realisation recently that I don’t want to have children. I’ve felt this way for a while, just actually facing it and acknowledging it is something entirely different. Along with this realisation came this peculiar little train of thought, I wonder what you all would make of it… Follow me if you will…
In my part of the World, teenage parents are not uncommon. Single parents are not uncommon. Becoming a parent at a young age is more of a norm than I could ever have believed possible. This is nothing new; here’s my twist. The more intellectual members of society here tend to marry and reproduce at a much later age and consequently at a slower rate than those of lower social backgrounds/or those with fewer opportunities for further education/personal development. So… we have a large population of young people having babies in larger numbers… which is economically unsustainable! Surely this type of growth has to be put under some sort of control?! The Chinese system of one child per family certainly has its faults but the idea that we could limit our population growth, especially in poor areas where more children will only deepen people’s descent below the poverty line, surely that has to be considered?! My cousin, for example! She is in her mid-twenties with a 5 year old child… she lives with her younger sister who is now pregnant herself?!? Neither work or are with the fathers of their children?? I know this isn’t uncommon! But realistically isn’t it shocking!!! I would not consider having a child unless I knew I had the means to care for and support that child through the 20+ years that is required by the 21st century system to get to independence. Even then that may not be enough time… people living at home with their parents longer, surely having children without the means to properly support and nurture them is irresponsible on a personal; social and GLOBAL level?!?!?!
The longer I sit here and write the more things come to my mind to say… I can’t say everything… this isn’t the time or the place…
I have been sitting this evening rewatching a tv series I haven’t seen for a long time. Some things I have discussed are as a result of things I have watched… but the rest just needed to come out… I can’t keep it all in!
There’s a post about feelings and love brewing somewhere in my head but that is not to be written about here. Not here, not now. Maybe Luna in the future will have strength that I currently do not.
This probably won’t make sense to anyone (even myself once I read it back more than likely)… but if you’ve stuck with me for this long. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
May your dreams come true and your demons run from the light of your success. Until next time, dear friends.