Broken like so many stacked Crackers

Stacked… then Broken

Having a VERY bad day. Anxiety level is through the roof. Shaking hands, stuttering, brain fog, the lot!

In a strange period of time where I believe I must have disassociated, I found myself feeling like a stack of crushed crackers… Every time a new thought/idea/feeling arrived on the cracker stack… CRUNCH… SMASH… BOOM! Crumbled crackers, crumbs, mess and disaster. Broken dreams. Broken spirit. Everything feels broken, smashed and turned to dust… People interrupting my busy workload with pointless and unnecessary questions… Why do they do this? Can they not see my inbox overflowing yet STILL they persist…

Another thing that came to mind during this time was a whisper of a memory of someone speaking about broken things, or so I thought. All I could hear was this voice in my head repeating “broken like so many…” As if I had an incomplete quote teasing me… It turns out I did, but not quite the one I thought!

“Melted, like so many candles…” Game of Thrones, Season 1.

Strange how certain specific things come to you at seemingly random points in time… Reflecting from a slightly calmer place later in the day, it seems my brain was reacting both like melted candles and broken crackers… Once left to cool and be still, settle and solidify into some semblance of the former idea… But fragmented… Diluted…

Moving forward, I have put in place a new strategy to hopefully help combat my anxiety at work by ordering two small stress/fidget items. So that my hand(s) may have things to do when my brain is having a meltdown… A fidget cube with various switches, buttons and small repetitive actions like pen top clicking… And a slightly more unusual one of a finger strengthener/stress reliever. It has four valves for the four fingers and each can be depressed individually. Similar in look to the three valves on the top of a Trumpet or Cornet. I had a minute or so today when I was compulsively opening and closing a pair of scissors without really realising it… Hence the need for something to occupy the repetitive actions of my hand with slightly less chance of hurting someone/or chopping up necessary paperwork 😂 I am due to receive these tomorrow and I truly hope that should I have another phase of that again, I will this time be better prepared for it.

Do you have any useful tricks for dealing/coping with Anxiety in the workplace? If you do, I’d love to hear them. Any ideas would be most welcome!

Thank you for reading once again my fellow Oddities! Keep shining like the beacons of Individuality you are!

All my love, Luna xXxXx

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