I decided to make today an experiment in emotional “tracking”. I find myself experiencing all sorts of emotions; positive and negative and some downright bonkers but I have become aware that I am focusing too heavily on the negative emotions heightened by my depression and anxiety! By the time I’ve finished a day at work I am so drained and exhausted that it is difficult to remember the high points. These are so precious and important to my recovery, I MUST do more to harness their positive effects! Here are some videos to show a representation of what I felt or some association I made to a feeling today…
Overheard the ladies at work talking some truly disgusting rubbish regarding Vaginal cleanliness vs “festering” and tbh, I think I need a decontamination shower so moving swiftly on!
I found a pack of chocolate fingers in my desk so yay for silver linings!
Monday evening also involves me seeing my Counsellor. The things I uncover when I let my mind wander to the untapped/dimmed pockets of my brain are incredible!! Not just saying how something feels to say or do, but to go more in-depth… Discuss How? Why? Volley theories and difficult concepts back and forth like ping pong balls! I had no idea I had the capacity to express myself so freely and WOW it is liberating.
For anyone considering Counselling or feeling sceptical about the potential benefits, I’ll happily admit I was just the same! Doubtful that some stranger could ever tell me anything about myself that I didn’t already know or hadn’t explored during my thousands of hours trapped inside my own head! I am ecstatic to say I was wrong (and think you could be too!) I have gained so much and finally feel like I have found my life’s calling card! Enrolled on a diploma course to become a Counsellor myself at the back end of last year, waiting on a start date! EXCITED!
Safe to say after such a random-ass day I am definitely ready to hit the hay. One last observation to end on… Holy fuck-nuggets it’s pua windy outside!
Until tomorrow lovely people!