My first story to you all (or maybe just you the current reader, possibly only me!) A beginning about the End. The end of 2018, a year with more ups and downs than tides on the shore.
I met one of my idols a few years ago at a local Comic Con event who gave me one of the best pieces of wisdom I have ever heard: “The tide goes in and out. For you, the tide is out right now but there is one thing you can be certain of; the tide is bound to come back in again.” – John Rhys-Davies
Anyway, moving on from my fan-girl moment (literally star struck), my ending to 2018 could not be described as the firework-filled extravaganza I had planned. This year was going to be different, I was going out! Not something I have done a lot in recent times. I got far too comfortable in my last relationship and we ended up spending all our time in his bedroom with takeout rather than doing anything meaningful or making memories (something I truly regret). In an effort to change this I made plans to go to my favourite Nightclub with a new friend I had become close to over the last few months. It was all planned (something my anxiety was very pleased about); pre-drinks at my place; over to town for music, moshing and mayhem; then home with two friends to give them a bed for the night.
Sounds like a fairly simple plan right?
Pre-drinks ended up being moved out to a remote area on the edge of the city (where I’ve never been before and consequently never wish to visit again). New Years Eve public transport being minimal at best didn’t help my time keeping on my 45 minute commute out of the city (which I would be returning to within an hour or so). After being collected from the station and walking to an unknown “friends” house we ended up route marching for another half hour to end up at the place our taxi was due to take us back to town. During this time I had managed to drink some of the drinks I’d brought with me but I was nowhere near drunk enough for this nonsense. So 3, then became 6! I have never met a less intellectual group of people in all my days on this planet. I would never claim to be overly intelligent but I am pleased to say that I know I have a brain in my head! A girl, I can only describe as a pig squeezed into a sausage skin (apologies for that attractive mental image), squealing about something inanely dull with the average intelligence of two short planks dipped in pig-s***! When asked a question regarding the spelling of her own name (surely an easy question, one would think) she was entirely flummoxed! *head desk* The couple (whom I had literally just met) were an interesting experiment in birth-control gone wrong and as you can tell I was thrilled to be in such intellectual company.
Moving swiftly onward, we all got back to town and what fun was had! Lots of drinks… (oh wait, no, wrong again) and fun (damn, mistype, should have read boredom) were had and we got to the best part of the evening! I’ve learned an awful lot about how men’s minds work when they are presented with the possibility of coitus… (a guy was seriously contemplating the aforementioned pig in a wig) so naturally the so-called “bro-code” dictates that everything should be done to assist to initiate “happenings”. This in and of itself caused me no disquiet or issues, however when I stopped and thought about it, I swiftly realised that the last vestiges of my well-laid and carefully thought-out plan was crumbling around my cleavage!
A bit of background at this point possibly would be helpful. One of the two people I had invited to stay the night was someone I had (please note the past tense) intentions to court and potentially date in future. The main problem with this is that he finds himself in an entirely broken relationship with someone else. If it hadn’t been for the fact that we had shared a number of intimate evenings in recent weeks and an almost constant stream of messages I would have little to no expectations for this special night! I was expecting to have him (Jason) and his best friend to stay for a night of passion to end all nights!
Jason had only managed to speak to me alone very briefly and infrequently throughout the main part of the evening, but had expressed excitement and desire for the evenings events to unfold! However at his friends’ need to follow his penis to pastures brown, Jason played the good best friend and attempted to keep distractions at bay. Unfortunately, in his need to achieve inter(-species-inter)course he changed his mind and decided to return to the run-down dump they dragged me to earlier in the night.
Can you see where this is going yet?
In the end, it turns out Jason is quite the Dick! He made various sexual comments to me and expressed further wishes to bring in the new year “together”. Then *poof* he had vanished into the taxi along with the other primitives back to the zoo!
Completely alone at 3am, in the city centre, without any kind of plan in place. I simply hadn’t counted on the idea that I would be abandoned at the end of a night by someone I believed cared about me. Thankfully, I was able to find a suitable Black Cab to take me home fairly quickly, but not before I had been approached by two middle-aged men requesting rather insistently that I went for coffee with them (coffee at 3am really?!)
All in all, one of the worst nights of my life. No-one should ever feel so worthless and alone. I doubt Jason will be a part of my life for much longer (I haven’t spoken to him since, in case you were interested) but I have learned some valuable lessons from this along with some coping mechanisms towards my anxiety.
A rather longer and more rant-like story than I had originally planned but I am pleased to have gotten this off my chest (given that I can’t talk to my parents about such things).
More to come as it happens I expect!
Thanks for reading (if you’re still here),